The Girl With the Panda Backpack

God, I love him so much it actually makes me want to vomit.

“If the problem’s too hard, give up.”

So my math prof is pretty hilarious. So. Every time I log on to Tumblr I shall post a Spicy Quote of the day. Shut up, the name makes sense. My prof’s name is Dr. Spicer.

Totes makes sense.

YOU DATED FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS. YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU HAVEN’T HAD SEX WITH ANYONE ELSE.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU.

I most definitely read way too far into you wanting to become friends with benefits. Stupid me, I thought you were trying to find some way to have some sort of relationship with me still. Stupid, stupid me for thinking you still actually cared about me. But no. You just want to fuck me now. Oh, I’m sorry, you want to “smash” me. And I asked you, “Why me?” and you responded, “Because you’re attractive. And I know we both want it.”

FUCK YOU. I’M NOT A FUCKING PIECE OF MEAT.

Didn’t you work our entire relationship to get me to believe I was the opposite of that? That I was more than just a body? That sex wasn’t everything? That sex should be something special?

FUCK YOU.

But really? When we broke up, one of his ass hole friends “liked” it and barely anyone said anything. That was after six months.

But now a bunch of people comment on his “single” status saying how sorry they are. You guys fucking dated for three days. What the fuck is there to be sorry about?

Three days is not long enough to be sorry about anything.

Six months, however, is quite a stretch of time to feel sorry about. Here’s what I think people should’ve said when we broke up:

“Dude! I’m so sorry you lost the love of your life!”

“Bro, I am so sorry you’re not dating that bodacious babe anymore.”

“Hey, man, you were really fucking stupid for breaking up with her. If you actually loved her, you would’ve made it work. If you care about someone, you don’t drop them on their ass. You make it work however you can. You cherish the time you have together and thinking about how amazing it feels being in each other’s arms is what will get you through it until next time. You really dropped the ball on this one. I feel really sorry for you, man.”

Yeah. Something like that.

So here’s the low down on my romantic life right now:

1. Hottie, the guy I was kinda dating but was a total douche to me at the dance but still ate breakfast with me this morning, now has a girlfriend. Da fuck. In the words of my older sister, “Whatta dick house.”

2. Ex’s relationship status on facebook just went from “in a relationship” to “single.” How long was that relationship? Like three days? Yeahhhh, bitch. It’s really hard for me not to “like” it. I won’t though because I’m seeing him this weekend and I don’t want him to be mad at me. This is probably the best news I’ve heard all day.

3. I’ve finally branched out and made some genuinely nice guy friends. And now they both like me. And have either asked if I think we’ll ever be more than friends or they’ve asked me out on a date to Dairy Queen. Why are all the boys who are nice to me gotta be the ones I’m not attracted to? WHY? So I had to turn both of them down. I felt real bad. But it had to be done. And I was real nice about it.

4. The one guy here who is both ridiculously nice to me and I’m attracted to sort of kind of already has a girlfriend. And that makes me sad4days.

It’s a hard knock life, son.